Beautiful Dreamer

Beautiful Dreamer

Collection of random thoughts. Welcome to my mind.

Mar 31

Fear and Love

Life has a weird way of confirming what you’ve been feeling. I was at a coffee shop on a Saturday thinking about fear and love. I can be a very fearful person that sees the world through a fearful perspective. I took time to compare my view of the world and what kind of world that I wanted. There were vast differences, and I realized that what I believed about the world around me became my world. It didn’t matter what I wanted because what I believed was that the world was unfriendly.

The next day I was watching Wayne Dyer and he brought up fear and love. He spoke about how love cannot exist when you are constantly fearing. We have two primary emotions to choose from: fear and love. When we are feeling anxious or fearful we have left love. Fear breeds insecurity, anger, instability, and the constant need for validation. Fear keeps us from experiencing life. Fear keeps us stuck.

This is a short entry but I’m learning how powerful both emotions are. Everything that I want for my world is possible to achieve when coming from a place of love. When my default is fear my world seems a lot more complicated and cold.

We need to believe that we are good enough. We need to believe that there is an abundance of good things waiting for us. Choosing love opens up our world and choosing fear constricts the flow of what could be. Fear destroys while love uplifts. I know it’s not easy to choose love. Love means letting go of a lot of lies that we’ve made about the world and ourselves. Love means exposing our true selves and going after the life we want. It’s scary but it’s worth it.

Mar 17


Mar 5


I am beginning to see how I purposely distract myself to avoid what needs to be done. I usually do this when I need to prepare for something or really want to accomplish something. I know where it comes from but I’ve always had trouble overcoming it. Distractions make us avoid what is really going on. It keeps us from reaching our potential and provides a full arsenal of excuses:

"I’ve just been really busy lately."

"Yeah, once I’m finished with (insert project) I’ll be able to do it."

"I’m going to do it…I just need to blah blah blah blah blah blah blah first."

Ask yourself why you are distracting yourself. Also ask yourself if it’s in anyway beneficial. Do you really need to be on facebook? Do you really need to be obsessing over a situation that is out of your control? Are you avoiding putting time into a talent in fear of failing? Why are you so distracted and do you have to be? I can answer that one: no, you don’t and the honest truth is that you do it because you are avoiding what really needs to be done. No one forces you to do anything. No one is in charge of your schedule and no one can dictate it. Bring your job up and I’ll challenge you to think about why it is a distraction. What are you doing with your free time outside of work? Why are things not getting done? Why are you investing yourself in something that is not furthering your vision for your life?

We all make excuses and we self soothe ourselves by explaining to everyone why we aren’t doing certain things. To hear someone agree and say they understand is not doing much of a service to you. I would suggest bringing people into your life that will hold you accountable and not support your choice of distracting yourself.

Life is scary. I understand. We all avoid things but doesn’t it get tiring talking about the same things? Doesn’t it get tiring to hope for something but never put in the work to get there? People are always talking about what they want to do but not many put forth the effort. Call yourself out and recognize when you are distracting yourself. It’s for a reason. Force yourself to do what you’ve been putting off. It gets easier each time you decide to overcome it.

Feb 24





Feb 21
New Headshot!

New Headshot!

I pretty much only draw at work. This is “Regale”

I pretty much only draw at work. This is “Regale”

Feb 11


These people are scary

They stare downwards

They live in their minds

They see screens all day

I see them sometimes and I am sad

I walk out of their way

Some days I want to be in their way

So they look up and see other things

They believe in money

They believe in stability

They are machines

Machines with cars and kids

I am a means to an end

I am a machine here

As long as I stare at screens

I am as scary as them

Jan 13


So here are some things I am realizing at an accelerated rate this year: that life is better when you invest in others.

Not just the occasional, “What’s up? Do you like Oberweis ice cream?” and then sit down on the train with a dead stare trying to avoid talking. I’m talking about investing in who they are and finding out what makes them human, happiest, and alive.

It’s weird how life starts to open up when you start actually saying hello to people. When you ask them how their day way, or if they got a haircut. It’s so easy to stay inside ourselves and mull over ourselves and tell ourselves that things will get better and look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “I love you self,” and make mac n cheese for ourselves. Sometimes the preoccupation with just the self makes us really quite selfish. It’s good to take time for yourself and “work on you,” but it’s also highly rewarding to look out.

There are days where I want to stay inside and write a sonnet called, “The Life Unlived,” but I have been forcing myself to see other people’s shows, go get a drink with someone, or make myself meet someone new. I’m not the most outgoing person in the world, but I try to make an effort to not turn into the Grey Gardens movie.

People want to be acknowledged and they are excited to talk about what they do, but they also want to know about you too. You also realize that those problems you think you are solely facing are actually not so uncommon. That a lot of us have big dreams that we fear are being sacrificed for being comfortable, that we all feel lonely/lost, and that we just want to find our own happiness/fulfillment. I believe instead of shutting ourselves in on our tiny islands we should band together and help each other. We need community, we need help, and we need to support each other.

Also, I love Oberweis ice cream as well as their milk in case anyone was wondering.


Page 1 of 24