Denying our Feelings

Sometimes it’s very hard to decipher what you truly feel about a situation. There are so many different variables you have to consider and it feels like there really isn’t a straightforward answer. It’s hard to navigate through the many emotions, choices, and possible outcomes that sometimes we continue to deal with the same worries in order to maintain a sense of “order.” Even if it’s chaotic, it still has a sense of familiarity and a method to the madness.

We get scared to move towards the uncomfortable. The uncomfortable can take the form as addressing an issue with someone, moving towards a dream, or completely removing yourself from a harmful environment. We see many people continually live in the same cycle of doubt, distress, and dissatisfaction. From an outside perspective it seems like a no brainer but to those living in that world it becomes very narrow and suffocating.

Our minds close in on certain things and tell us “truths” that reinforce our perspective on others and ourselves. I’ve heard people say, “this is the way it has always been and it will never change,” and because they say that it really does never change. They have already decided that this is the world that they have to live in. They do not believe that there is anything better, and for whatever reason they believe they do not deserve it.

Another reason we continue to struggle is because we lack confidence in ourselves. We feel a certain way in the beginning but it is diluted in the mess of words, thoughts, and continuous analyzing/doubting our own feelings. We make exceptions, we tell ourselves that what we felt was wrong, and that maybe we are just being too picky/sensitive/dramatic/whatever. Yet, when we really think about it, we continue to be triggered by the same things, and deep down we know that it makes us feel a certain way for a reason.

Our feelings are a good indicator of what isn’t working and what is. Yet, we ignore the feelings and doubt their validity. This happens especially if you grew up being told that what you are feeling is wrong. Being in an environment that does not encourage openly expressing your feelings in a constructive way will obviously lead to a future of doubting yourself. Being attacked when you express your feelings also leads to a fear of opening up.

I believe that the more we deny what we feel, the more we will allow situations and people to dictate our lives. This is not how we are intended to live. I believe each one of us have the wisdom within ourselves to know what is good for us and what feels right. The more we trust ourselves and love ourselves, the more we choose people/situations/paths that line up with what we truly value and want in life. It’s definitely not easy and takes a lot of practice but we can start today to listen to our feelings without judging them.

Finding Contentment

We live in a society that doesn’t want us to settle for second best. You can see this in advertising when companies claim to be the best and try to outdo their competitors. My fear with society though is that we are never satisfied with anything and have trouble settling into life in general.

There will always be something, “better.” There will be something shinier, faster, prettier, funnier, younger, cooler, and an “upgrade.” I see society as a fleeting hummingbird going from flower to flower but never really finding stability. It’s this endless journey of discovery and it becomes a mindless journey towards finding the “best.” We search everywhere but inside for fulfillment. That is why we see unrest in relationships, careers, and our situation. We have so much stimuli screaming at us to find “the best,” when we have no concept of what we truly need.

I believe in sticking with something unless it of course involves abuse to your own well being. I also believe in being content with what you have because you will never be content with “the upgrade” if you can’t even be content with the now.

We crave what we cannot grasp and neglect what we already have within reach. There is so much to grab onto right now but our eyes are scanning the ever changing horizon and ignoring what is right in front of us. In reality we do not really need much to survive but society has conditioned us to believe that we need a lot. We live in a very me dominated generation which has it’s pros and cons. Never have we had more opportunity to go after “the dream,” but I find that we focus way too much on the external. I understand though; I find it very easy to go with the majority. The answer to a lot of our discontentment lies inside of us and not in materials or a new face or a new place. The real issue is our idea of how our lives should be and the idea that if it doesn’t make me happy or feel good right away it isn’t worth my time.

Everything good in life takes work. Hard work. It’s not supposed to be easy because if it was you would never learn anything. We have trouble committing because we think that if it doesn’t make us feel a certain way then it’s not worth it. Why do you think we see such frustration everywhere? So many people are miserable even when they have everything they can possibly imagine. It’s an endless void that will never be filled.

I haven’t lost all hope in humanity, but I do fear that we have created a world centered on instant gratification. Although I cannot change what will forever be the new norm, I can change within and find contentment in my own life. There is nothing more life changing then accepting your life and having gratitude for what is here now.

Me vs. Humanity

If there’s one thing we have in common it’s that we are all alive at this moment. That’s enough grounds to find some unity in the human race. We might have different ways of living and different ways of thinking but we are all here sharing this earth.

It bothers me how against each other we can be. It bothers me how I am guilty of this. I believe that it’s because of my insecurity and my unwillingness to see things from a different perspective. People don’t do things like me because they aren’t me, but I stand above everyone and critique how things should be done as if I was given the authority to.

It really has been bothering me lately. It bothers me how I fall into talking about someone because of my own skewed perception of myself. It’s this weird combination of insecurity and pridefulness that fuels how I see the world. I sometimes treat the world like it’s against me and then behaviors reinforce what I believe.

How can I claim to love and care for the betterment of others when I spend a good amount of time critiquing or entertaining the belittling of others? How is making enemies with humanity in any way going to change my life for the better? What we dwell on, we get back. If you constantly spew negativity the circle will never end. Our perceptions fuel our interactions and people become exactly how we see them.

We elevate ourselves to make ourselves feel better. We see no wrong in ourselves and see the wrong in everyone else. If we constantly think we are right in every disagreement then this is a sign of arrogance. There is no room for change and we become solidified in this polarizing behavior. If you really want to feel like the world is against you, just tell yourself that you are the victim. The truth is: we are all mirrors to each other. Usually the very things we hate the most in others are the things we hate in ourselves.

It’s not easy for me to admit this side of me, but I know we all struggle with this. Insecurity breeds separation. We cause separations between others and become far removed from the truth of our own selves. Our perceptions of the world around us are not always based in reality. Whenever we talk negatively about someone we are choosing to deepen the space between us and love.

Before you choose to speak negatively about someone or blame someone, look inside of yourself and see if there is anything that you are guilty of. We put blinders on so that the ego can reign, but love has nowhere to grow in a ego driven life. It’s time to face the truth about yourself in connection with others. Take time to look inside before you jump to bringing others down. We came here to connect not to separate ourselves.

Insecurity

I believe a lot of insecurity comes from a fear of losing something. It is also a fear of not being able to survive on our own two feet. Lately, I’ve been dealing with a lot of insecurity and since I have been dwelling on it more than I should it’s becoming a horrible habit.

Our minds can be the breeding ground for internal destruction. If not kept in check, we can become a slave to our thoughts which then affect our actions. It becomes our truth and our reality. In our minds we create our world that we live in on a daily basis. We begin to filter our surroundings and experiences by what our mind dwells on.

The mind is amazing. It is the central hub of creation. It’s amazing how we can verbalize and psychically act out what we think. Yet, it can also be a scary place for a lot of us. It keeps us stuck, and can spiral into horrible thinking patterns that keep us paralyzed in fear.

Fear leaves little room for self love. It is the monster that stands in front of us and reminds us of how inadequate and unlovable we are. It reminds us of how we aren’t ready to take the next step, and it tells us that as individuals we cannot successfully live our lives without messing up. It destroys relationships, dreams, and individuals.

I find that comparison walks in tandem with fear. When we compare, we fear that we aren’t as good as someone else. We fear that there is someone better than us. We fear that we aren’t the right person for the job. We wonder why anyone would pick us and fear that we will never measure up. Fear and jealousy are also closely related because when we fear taking the next step we become jealous of those that already have.

Logically, I can see what is wrong. I can see that my own thoughts are rooted in lies, but it’s hard to break out of habits. Insecurity is rooted deep in some of us. We all deal with it on some spectrum, but for some it’s very hard to stop the continuous cycle of doubt. Constant outward affirmation of how great we are means very little to those that have yet to believe it for themselves.

I am still learning the very long lesson of how to love myself as is. To stop the self sabotage, the comparisons, and to realize that as an individual I am enough. That if I stripped away every title or accolade that I would still be enough. For those that struggle like me I want to encourage you to remind yourself that you are enough and that even in the midst of our insecurity we are lovable, capable, and wonderful people. We are never finished. We are always works in progress. Be gracious, patient, and understanding with yourself.

Fear and Love

Life has a weird way of confirming what you’ve been feeling. I was at a coffee shop on a Saturday thinking about fear and love. I can be a very fearful person that sees the world through a fearful perspective. I took time to compare my view of the world and what kind of world that I wanted. There were vast differences, and I realized that what I believed about the world around me became my world. It didn’t matter what I wanted because what I believed was that the world was unfriendly.

The next day I was watching Wayne Dyer and he brought up fear and love. He spoke about how love cannot exist when you are constantly fearing. We have two primary emotions to choose from: fear and love. When we are feeling anxious or fearful we have left love. Fear breeds insecurity, anger, instability, and the constant need for validation. Fear keeps us from experiencing life. Fear keeps us stuck.

This is a short entry but I’m learning how powerful both emotions are. Everything that I want for my world is possible to achieve when coming from a place of love. When my default is fear my world seems a lot more complicated and cold.

We need to believe that we are good enough. We need to believe that there is an abundance of good things waiting for us. Choosing love opens up our world and choosing fear constricts the flow of what could be. Fear destroys while love uplifts. I know it’s not easy to choose love. Love means letting go of a lot of lies that we’ve made about the world and ourselves. Love means exposing our true selves and going after the life we want. It’s scary but it’s worth it.

Distractions

I am beginning to see how I purposely distract myself to avoid what needs to be done. I usually do this when I need to prepare for something or really want to accomplish something. I know where it comes from but I’ve always had trouble overcoming it. Distractions make us avoid what is really going on. It keeps us from reaching our potential and provides a full arsenal of excuses:

"I’ve just been really busy lately."

"Yeah, once I’m finished with (insert project) I’ll be able to do it."

"I’m going to do it…I just need to blah blah blah blah blah blah blah first."

Ask yourself why you are distracting yourself. Also ask yourself if it’s in anyway beneficial. Do you really need to be on facebook? Do you really need to be obsessing over a situation that is out of your control? Are you avoiding putting time into a talent in fear of failing? Why are you so distracted and do you have to be? I can answer that one: no, you don’t and the honest truth is that you do it because you are avoiding what really needs to be done. No one forces you to do anything. No one is in charge of your schedule and no one can dictate it. Bring your job up and I’ll challenge you to think about why it is a distraction. What are you doing with your free time outside of work? Why are things not getting done? Why are you investing yourself in something that is not furthering your vision for your life?

We all make excuses and we self soothe ourselves by explaining to everyone why we aren’t doing certain things. To hear someone agree and say they understand is not doing much of a service to you. I would suggest bringing people into your life that will hold you accountable and not support your choice of distracting yourself.

Life is scary. I understand. We all avoid things but doesn’t it get tiring talking about the same things? Doesn’t it get tiring to hope for something but never put in the work to get there? People are always talking about what they want to do but not many put forth the effort. Call yourself out and recognize when you are distracting yourself. It’s for a reason. Force yourself to do what you’ve been putting off. It gets easier each time you decide to overcome it.